Warning: the following is a bit of a self-indulgent rant, but a very introspective, heartfelt one. I hope you’ll hear(read) me out…..
You would think I just told them they were each getting their very own pony or something….. all I said was that I was going to start spending more time with them and working(sewing/blogging)less!! When I saw the excitement on my girls’ faces over this, I knew I had made the right decision. Indeed, I have come to a hard truth recently; I’m simply not capable of being a supermom/quilter/blogger/happy person/good wife, etc., at the same time- type of person! At least not at this point in my life!!
It seems there are those out there who can juggle all those things and make it work, and I have much admiration as well as a strong dose of curiosity for what they do and how they do it. I would love to know if there is some secret to their ability to accomplish so much, but in the end I have to judge my life authentically and not based on someone else’s achievements. **deep sigh** I just know, for me, I can’t create at the pace I was(which was pretty slow, but still somehow took a huge chunk of my time), and still take walks with the girls…..
to look for birds and pick flowers, make homemade soup when they are sick, be totally present and not rushed during a game of cards or the like, get myself out of the house for a yoga class or sit for 20 minutes for a glass of wine with my hubby, the list could go on, you get the idea, right? I personally am not able to multi-task very well when it comes to my quilting process.
Letting go of things you once thought were so necessary or important can be a very liberating feeling. While I have an intense desire to create and am continually inspired, I realize it is time to re examine and re- prioritize my life and perhaps “shuffle” my schedule a bit. Change is good!!
My children and my family as well as my own self care, are obviously my number one priority! I have been halfway present in both my quilting work and my mothering work lately and that is not okay for me. Yes, I’m very torn over this decision because I think there is huge value in being a female role model to my girls, one that is passionate, talented, motivated and inspired to create, however I also realize that whether I make one quilt a year or 20, they know that their mom is all those things- and is also valuing them and their childhood…
enough to be more present for them than I have been. I am grateful to be a stay-home mom and I waited a long time to have children so I feel strongly that this is the time in my life that I should be devoting to them. If it was necessary for me to work in order to provide for our basic needs, then I would not feel the same sense of guilt over the time I spend away from them. But currently my “work” is not exactly a lucrative endeavor, in fact quite the opposite. I should probably be getting a job just to pay for my “work”. Ha!!
I feel strongly that I need to come to my work and my blog with a sense of joy not obligation. Soooo, I still have every intention of creating, designing, sewing, and blogging, but just at a much different pace. I’m working on my time management skills and my energy level(herbal supplements, yoga, eating better, etc),
but until I get a better handle on how to speed up my process, you’ll hear from me less often and it may not always be about quilting…. or maybe it will. I honestly don’t know at this point!
I realize that my blog as well as my life is evolving and finding its path and I have to trust in the direction that feels right.
“You can do anything, just not everything” a quote from David Allen found here along with many other favorite quotes.
I realize that I could easily have just kept these thoughts to myself and shut down my blog a bit, however I feel grateful for the community I’ve become a part of here, and I felt compelled to share some of the thoughts that I’m likely not alone in having. I so appreciate the support I get through this blog and look forward to continuing to expand as a creative person, quilter and blogger….. just at a slower pace.
many blessings~~~ karen