Warning: the following is a bit of a self-indulgent rant, but a very introspective, heartfelt one. I hope you’ll hear(read) me out…..
You would think I just told them they were each getting their very own pony or something….. all I said was that I was going to start spending more time with them and working(sewing/blogging)less!! When I saw the excitement on my girls’ faces over this, I knew I had made the right decision. Indeed, I have come to a hard truth recently; I’m simply not capable of being a supermom/quilter/blogger/happy person/good wife, etc., at the same time- type of person! At least not at this point in my life!!
It seems there are those out there who can juggle all those things and make it work, and I have much admiration as well as a strong dose of curiosity for what they do and how they do it. I would love to know if there is some secret to their ability to accomplish so much, but in the end I have to judge my life authentically and not based on someone else’s achievements. **deep sigh** I just know, for me, I can’t create at the pace I was(which was pretty slow, but still somehow took a huge chunk of my time), and still take walks with the girls…..
to look for birds and pick flowers, make homemade soup when they are sick, be totally present and not rushed during a game of cards or the like, get myself out of the house for a yoga class or sit for 20 minutes for a glass of wine with my hubby, the list could go on, you get the idea, right? I personally am not able to multi-task very well when it comes to my quilting process.
Letting go of things you once thought were so necessary or important can be a very liberating feeling. While I have an intense desire to create and am continually inspired, I realize it is time to re examine and re- prioritize my life and perhaps “shuffle” my schedule a bit. Change is good!!
My children and my family as well as my own self care, are obviously my number one priority! I have been halfway present in both my quilting work and my mothering work lately and that is not okay for me. Yes, I’m very torn over this decision because I think there is huge value in being a female role model to my girls, one that is passionate, talented, motivated and inspired to create, however I also realize that whether I make one quilt a year or 20, they know that their mom is all those things- and is also valuing them and their childhood…
enough to be more present for them than I have been. I am grateful to be a stay-home mom and I waited a long time to have children so I feel strongly that this is the time in my life that I should be devoting to them. If it was necessary for me to work in order to provide for our basic needs, then I would not feel the same sense of guilt over the time I spend away from them. But currently my “work” is not exactly a lucrative endeavor, in fact quite the opposite. I should probably be getting a job just to pay for my “work”. Ha!!
I feel strongly that I need to come to my work and my blog with a sense of joy not obligation. Soooo, I still have every intention of creating, designing, sewing, and blogging, but just at a much different pace. I’m working on my time management skills and my energy level(herbal supplements, yoga, eating better, etc),
but until I get a better handle on how to speed up my process, you’ll hear from me less often and it may not always be about quilting…. or maybe it will. I honestly don’t know at this point!
I realize that my blog as well as my life is evolving and finding its path and I have to trust in the direction that feels right.
“You can do anything, just not everything” a quote from David Allen found here along with many other favorite quotes.
I realize that I could easily have just kept these thoughts to myself and shut down my blog a bit, however I feel grateful for the community I’ve become a part of here, and I felt compelled to share some of the thoughts that I’m likely not alone in having. I so appreciate the support I get through this blog and look forward to continuing to expand as a creative person, quilter and blogger….. just at a slower pace.
many blessings~~~ karen
i have been reading blogs for some time and finally thought i’d start one. it’s a very interesting process and it makes me think about what i’m doing. what is the purpose? is it really just for me? am i hoping for feedback that will pat me on the back? creatively it has pushed me to do new things and to finish them, but i have continued to wonder if i can or will keep it up.
years ago when my tech savy brother-in-law told me about blogging i thought ‘what in the heck? who has time for that? why write about it, just do it, b/c who would read it?’ HAH!! here i am each morning checking in! all that to say, good for you – your girls are adorable and your family time is so precious. i don’t think we will ever regret spending more time with our little ones – and you are right about the role modeling. all the best.
I know exactly what you mean! I see the same supermom/quilter/blogger/designer/businesswoman/homemaker blogs you do and wonder (irrationally, yes) if I’m inadequate. By blog isn’t updated more than once a week, and sometimes not even that. I have a family. I have a home. I have a job outside the home. I HAVE to SLEEP! I can’t do everything at once, just like you. I’ll be cheering you on while doing what I can in the time I have.
i completely agree with you. having started a blog last year, and abandoning it a few months later. being a stay at home mum is a job in itself and i wonder how some people do what they do?. i imagine they have far superior time management skills than i do. And i only have one child?? however she was a preemie and spent 162 days in the NICU after birth. I guess i found i would much rather dote on her than blog about it. i enjoy sewing when i get the chance. she still lets me read the blogs i do when she plays on her own.
so i guess i look forward to seeing what you come up with in any capacity, even if it is more sporadic!. take care and enjoy.
As usual, I love this post Karen. I so appreciate your honesty and treasure the fact that this season of your life is about those three precious little girls and your supportive, handsome husband. I loved my time at home with my girls (Now ages 32 and 30) and now that I am 57, there are opportunities for me to particpate and be involved in areas of my life that were waiting for “this season”. I have several nieces, and even my own daughters, that I’d love to forward your post to. I’ll spend some time thinking about whether or not I should and then I think I will! Enjoy a terrific Thursday and thank you ~
Warmly,
Eileen
Please don’t think that we will abandon you just because you don’t post every day. You need to take the time for your family-something that almost everyone will understand. We’ll be here to cheer you on whenever you need us, your family comes first.
I do so enjoy your blog and all that you’ve shared in the short time I’ve been following it/you. However, I do know how important family is (which, by the way, you have a very beautiful family) and how easy it is to get distracted from them.
I’m still going to follow your blog and looking forward to when or if you blog. Thanks so much for being so honest!
great photos !!!
Karen,
I’m standing and applauding you and all the other Mom bloggers out there. I’m a mature mother of two grown sons. I’ve been reading blogs, commenting on blogs and writing great content on my blog for only the last year. I don’t have little ones around my legs as I sew or boys behaving badly because I was distracted quilting. That was 18 yrs ago. Then I had to reserve my quilting time to one day a month. My family decided that home schooling was the choice for us. Our two sons were 6 and 8 at the time. I became wife, mother and educator in a heart beat. You do what you must do to ensure your little treasures get YOU in your wholeness, kindness and loving them the way the deserve to have you. I’ll say the old saying, “They grow fast” and its so true.
I had the contend with only one day a month for 9 years as I home schooled our sons, my husband worked full time and together we pulled the rest of the home/property care together as it was needed. I worked at home, teaching our sons. We took a financial hit of huge proportions, which does come to haunt your choices as pensions etc become the topic of discussion our later years. I have none, I didn’t contribute much to Canadian Pension Plan, which all employed people do, but I taught our sons the education they needed, I taught them how to be real men, how to be sensitive to people and their world and still put the boxing gloves on for practice at the local boxing club. My husband did his best too, fishing, wood working and now we have great sons, who love us, want to spend time with us and we all made through the tumultuous teenage years intact and still loving each other.
I’ve been wondering if I could have done blogs written by Moms and I was beginning to think you all must have Gramma’s living near by to do some of the household stuff, raising children stuff and while the Moms blog. Your blog world will still be here when you are able to devote more time to it, raising these lovely little women is the task at hand. Be the Mom they need! They’ll grow intact and loved knowing they were more important than the blog. They won’t really get it until years down the road, but they will love you more because of the sacrifices to your own personal interests were made. Yeh for Karen, strong loving Mom! I’ll still follow your blog whether you add content once a month or once a year. Blessings come in little packages, Carli
Thank you for sharing your thoughts- quilty or not. I have three girls too and the oldest just got married last Saturday. I still remember when she was a toddler like it was yesterday. Time really does go by quickly. Enjoy each stage and phase. Your time will become more flexible and your readers will still be here. Like one of your other commenters said, I’ll keep reading whether you post daily or weekly or monthly.
You have been given an awesome responsibility. Nurturing, and maturing the minds and lives of these three beautiful young people is your first responsibility, and I agree that other things in life must come in second or even third.
Not that you were neglecting your children, but thank God that you came to a realization that some things are more important than others. God bless you in your endeavors to be the mom he as chosen you to be, and remember that it only takes 10, 20, or 30 minutes to sit and sew a few stitches, or post a one paragraph hello and show the progress with those beautiful young people who will be our next leaders in this country. Love, Carol
Dear Karen,
I am so glad you had the courage to blog about your decision. I have made a similar choice, but am not brave enough to share it with the world. Sadly I too often get the feeling that in todays society it is really frowned upon to NOT pursue a career or make a choice to put your (young) children/family first, no matter how right it feels. On moments like that I just hold on to the thought that you can never catch up if you miss seeing the little ones growing up and nothing is permanent forever anyway. There will come times again where the status quo lies elsewhere. The key is always reflecting and to follow your hearth.
Karen, I applaud you heartily! For being the wonderful woman that you are, for taking the time to listen to your inner voice telling you that something was not quite right for you and for your family. Many people ignore those whispers until they become resounding booms, sometimes at a devastating price, whether that be health, relationships, happiness. You had the courage to listen, choose differently and to tell us about it. THAT is being a great role model too!
You are very talented, you know i think that! And your talents won’t go away because you are sewing less frequently or blogging less, or not at all. Heck, I couldn’t even keep up with the gazillion photos I took of our kids over the years. Most of them are still in boxes – many, many boxes. And that’s okay.
Today our kids are beautiful, independent 24 and 21 year olds, enjoying life and thriving in the world. I feel so blessed that I too was able to be a stay at home mom and that i was truly present for them in the days and weeks, months and years filled with exploring our world with them, watching them learn and grow… The gifts of time and presence we give our children is priceless and has immeasurable impacts on them.
I have a great deal of respect for the women who work and juggle family too, I’m not trying to say that one is better than the other… and I know my choice was not ideal for me in terms of career – heck I retired in 1988! – should I need to go to work to support myself today. However, I have zero regrets and I predict that you won’t either.
Enjoy your precious family, sew and share as little or as much as feels right, and know that you are loved and respected no matter what is right for you at any given point in time!
xo
What an authentic Post! The issues you addressed are ones even my friends and I who are well into grandmotherhood experience. We all wrestle with the extreme busyness of the overwhelming choices we face in our world. You have shown much Wisdom and Discernment in making your family your immediate priority in your life now. This simplification will reorder what you allow in your everyday schedule and make for more health and happiness. I congratulate you and will follow in your lead! Thank you for paving the way and opening this important discussion on the importance of being present in order to be there for our loved ones and experience the treasures and beauty of every moment.
Dearest Karen,
So very thoughtful, so well put.
Namaste
Grandpa Larry
Nothing will replace the years/rich time you give to your girls at this age.Time flies and you will never get it back in quite the same way. Your mothering is the gift that each daughter takes into her own life to pass along. Your decision is life changing. Fewer quilts now will pay off in a hundred new “life” surprises. Your honesty is a breath of spring air. –Sue Perona a “Solstice Sister”of Caroline
Karen:
I applaud your decision to re-evaluate and re-prioritize. There are times I really wish for a “do-over” with my kids as I had to go to work full time when my daughter was 4 and my son was 7. I wished many times that I could have been at least a part time worker so I would have had more time with them. They both grew up to be absolutely fabulous adults and now with children of their own. But what you miss you can’t get back and the years are GONE before you know it. I look at my precious daughter now at 31 and still remember her at Miss N’s age. I love the freedom that I have now as a single adult and grandmother but your family deserves the best you can be. I believe that includes some blogging and some quilting and some creativeness to keep you true to yourself but not at the expense of those precious little girls. Trust me – you will look back in a couple of years and wonder where the time went. Miss N will be in school before you know it and you will have a few more hours of “me” time for your fabulous creativity. Do what it takes to LOVE YOUR LIFE!. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share and I LOVE the photos of your beautiful daughters! – Love you, Irelle
I think you would be a wonderful role model for your girls if you took care of yourself. I’m certainly much, much better now that I’m in my 40′s but I still need reminders. We women get in a race that only we are running. Your post is important for all of us to read. I don’t know how some women complete so many quilts. I’m not them.
You have a beautiful family. Enjoy your blessings.
You are absolutely making the right decision. for yourself and your family. There are so many years for quilting (or whatever artistic process you participate in), after your children are more independant. And if you never get back to this high pressure situation, good. You need to take time for YOU and your loved ones.
I too have had to take a step back and evaluate. I don’t blog, but I sit on lots of committee’s, for schools, quilt guilds and community. You reach a stage where you have to say “enough”, my priorities have changed and I have to take back some time. You are blessed to have a great family and never forget that they too are blessed, to have you.
I’m not sure how I missed this post, Karen, since I check up on your blog regularly. But I read it this morning, and I SO get how you’ve been feeling! That is definitely a part of my choice to stop blogging for awhile. The thing for me, is that it’s so much a mental thing and that’s why I decided to announce that I’m stopping for now! Makes me stick to it, cause I know that otherwise I’ll have these internal battles about when and how often, and also the huge problem I have of not saying “no” to all these awesome opportunities, which just ultimately get me bogged down and a bit stressed!
Anyways,I really appreciate you sharing this! You have such a lovely family, and I wish you the best in balancing it all! I know I”ll still be trying to figure it out too!
and btw, I don’t expect a response, since I know how much time responding can take, even though I enjoy it!
Karen, i’m so glad you took the time to write this post. i feel like posts like these help shed light on imbalances in *all* of our lives. you are definitely not the only one to struggle with balancing sewing/blogging/momming/and living.
also, your girls are ADORABLE!!